The Journey of Grieving a Beloved Pet

Oreo seemingly smiles into the photo. (Courtesy of Kristal Ortiz)

By Shannon Williams

In late 2013, during a tumultuous divorce, Kristal Ortiz prayed for an animal that would take the pain away. Enter Oreo, a black-and-white cat, who filled her house with warmth and love. Their routine play sessions and late-night cuddles filled her heart with abundant light and laughter until Oreo fell ill in August 2024. He rapidly lost oxygen to his brain, developed a heart murmur and had reduced kidney function. It completely altered his quality of life and he became entirely dependent on Ortiz.

On September 14, 2024, a veterinarian visited Ortiz’s home and Oreo passed on surrounded by loved ones. On September 15, silence filled the house as the Ortiz felt Oreo’s absence, leaving her heart heavy. “I didn’t abandon him, even though I wish I could have done more,” Ortiz says. “I stood by him till the very end.”

The journey of pet grief is just that, a journey. It is interminable, as Ortiz details. “One day you may be like, oh, you’re happy,” she says. “In the next minute, it could be you’re back to grieving again. It takes time, it’s not going to happen overnight.”

The Pew Research Center found that 97% of U.S. pet owners considered their companions as part of the family, which makes the grief experienced very real and very intense. Grieving a companion is as intense as losing a loved one, but it is often dismissed. There can be a lack of general acceptance of the enormity of this loss. Some say, “It’s just a pet.” For pet owners such as Ortiz, their pets are family and an important part of their support network. Oreo provided a type of therapy to Ortiz. He was there when the voices got too loud. He was there for the depressive episodes and he aided in her healing from a tumultuous divorce, teaching her that she is worthy of receiving love and capable of providing it. “A lot of people don’t understand that I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him,” says Ortiz. He showed me there was a lot more to living.”

According to data from a monthly Healthy Minds poll conducted by the American Psychiatric Association, 86% of pet owners said that their companions positively impacted their mental health. Pets become embedded within the family and suddenly, it is impossible to imagine a life without them.

One of the hardest parts of grieving is reliving that moment in time and going through infinite scenarios on what you could have done differently to extend their lives. Towards the end of Oreo’s life, Ortiz estimates she spent $5000, and that includes the emergency vet bill and further tests, none of which could guarantee him a quality life. At the very end, Ortiz spent $900 to euthanize in the comfort of his home. She is a middle-income individual and said that it was difficult for her to come up with the money, but she was fortunate enough to have help from family members. According to data provided by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, veterinary care has increased 5.2% since February of 2022, leading pet owners like Ortiz to face financial stress, making the grieving process more difficult to navigate. Ortiz discloses that she has just finished paying off the incurred veterinary debt. “If I could, I would do it all over again; I would give up anything, even my savings,” Ortiz says.

Ortiz continues to honor Oreo’s memory through her altar, where she provides him with offerings every Sunday. The altar included photos of him, his ashes, some of his favorite toys, and treats. “I put his offerings there and I know he receives them spiritually,” says Ortiz. “I also honor him by taking care of other animals.” Ortiz has since adopted a grey cat named Wiley, allowing the love she shared for Oreo to flow to another.

“Our love is distant,” says Ortiz. “Now, he’s in heaven, and that’s all it is. It’s just a little bit of a time difference now and space.”